I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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