Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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