It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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