dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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