pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
