I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
