I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
