Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
