so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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