Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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