Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
