You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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