He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
