It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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