Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
