no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The air was thick with penises
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
