Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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