I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
