So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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