if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
