U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
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Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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