Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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