My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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