he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
