You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
