I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
