But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's blow job season.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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