So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
