So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
