I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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