I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
