I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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