Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
