I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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