do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
