I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
worst night to have a conscience
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
