Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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