Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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