The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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