My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
