I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
