im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
