i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
