no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
