My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
