you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
