if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
