Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
