I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
