We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
