i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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