Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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