im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
