At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
