even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
