He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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