I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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