found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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