you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
