just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
