I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
