I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
