I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just had sex on a roof
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
