Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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