R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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