Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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