And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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