FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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