Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
